..A World of Nonsense..

I wished so long ago that i would be freed by some invisible hand

I hoped that I would be back in your arms again

That when I get tired I will have someone somewhere to return to

I had always dreamt of that one day when I could have

One Faithful Friend.

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 5:48 PM

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with how people change the more you look at them. Some turn ugly after a while but others... they look beautiful... like angels. Those people... I see their beauty whenever they do something that they love. If they are happily doing something they believe in and although their faces show undisturbed concentration, if their hearts sing of passion and happiness, I cannot help but wish that I was them in that moment and that I was feeling that moment of pure bliss where you have no idea what you are doing but in the end you still come up with a work of art...

Whenever people enter this trance-like state, their eyes glisten, their hearts beat fast. Their smiles are genuine... then you would be overwhelmed with your wish to see the world from their eyes. Sometimes I myself break down from the sudden impact of jealousy, admiration, hope and so much more hits me. There is sometimes so much more to how someone that could behold such beauty than we could infer from their gestures.

Labels: harmony, love

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 4:43 AM

You. Yes, you. You're scared of someone. You don't want her to know who you are. But it's all your fault, isn't it? You did something wrong to her. We all know about it, but you'll suffer. The longer this stays unknown among authority, the bigger the punishment. The worse the guilt. Look in the mirror, coward.

You. Now it's you. Stop forcing me to forgive. Stop forcing me to stop. You brought this upon yourself. People may hate me... but hopefully not as much as they hate you. It doesn't really matter to me if you hurt me but if you hurt them... well, feel my burning wrath. I am NOT breaking the 8th commandment. It's you. You are robbing. That's against the rules. Don't think that as long as you have a big circle, you're loved. We'll see. Revenge is too low and undeserving for you. Check the mirror, accuser.

You. Your turn. You emo-poser gal. You're ugly that way. You're so much better without the attention seeking letters that are obviously meant for people who are too stupid to fall for your traps. We don't want that you. Your 'real' friends are those that fell for those traps. They are too overreactive that they actually fell for them. You were so different before, everyone said so. You fit with them... simply because you want to. Buy a mirror, doppleganger.

You. It's you this time. How can you be so lovesick!? You change from one guy to another, with short episodes of sadness in between. What next? You look for pity! I am not apathetic, but that is stupid. Pick one and make it work. Please. See through the mirror, desperada.

Labels: friends, hate, you

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 3:43 AM

The Lonely. The Sad. The Enigmatic. The Dying. The Sick. The Broken-hearted. The Hurt.

How come the saddest things are those that strike us as serene, calm, or even attractive? Do we really wish to see our own holocaust? Do we really secretly wish to hurt ourselves?

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 2:39 AM

Pulchritude. It's an uncommon word for an overused term. It means beauty. A trait that has never been defined properly. All of us have it. Only parts of us contain ugliness but we are never ugly. We are all beautiful. None of us are useless either. None of us were brought into this world for nothing.

So keep smiling. BE happy. :)

Labels: beauty, emotions, happy, sad

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 2:42 AM

There's this hatred inside my heart, hidden but undeniably there. It peaks every morning and lessens every night. Everytime I see those girls my thoughts cloud over, they fog up. I try to understand, but I don't know how. I don't know how to interpret the way I look at them with demeaning eyes. It was only weeks ago that I looked at them as my friends-how come something can change so easily overnight? What's weird about this is that I don't regret anything! It's been so long since I've been free to let out my feelings-I'm tired of bottling it up. Now that I've got people to pent it out on, I'm absolutely not regretting one bit of this. This is how mean people feel-satisfaction.

Labels: friends, hate

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 12:25 AM

I'm annoyed. I'm so hopelessly annoyed that I can'thelp but think that I would just suddenly start jumping up and down and shout 'Roar.' I hate the way these old friends can turn against me... they're lucky to some extent that I don't want to fight back physically or anything like that since i WILL hurt them.

grr.

Labels: fake, friends, mean

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 3:50 AM

We were asked to write a testimony and stuff, here's mine. :D

Patricia Gan, Ibanag

In the midst of all this confusion, a line from a song struck me. It said, ‘Ako’y iniliwan mula sa’king kadiliman’. It seemed to be one of those times when you can’t help but think that that song was composed especially for you.

I have no tear-jerking experience to share, but I do have a memory-an ongoing roller-coaster ride, a repeating flashback that happens to me everyday that I could say is the perfect story of mine to link to that line. You see, in all my 12 years of being alive in this place called Earth, this is possibly the first time that I have ever had to feel such an annoying balancing act. Of course, if you haven’t felt it the way I have, you will probably think that I am being naïve. That is actually the reason why I wish to elaborate on this life of mine.

Everyday, something bad happens to me. It doesn’t matter what day it is, something still happens. It’s as if it was written in this big notebook of destiny that I should be given at least one downfall each day. Sometimes I’d get with half of paranoia (excluding the part where you think that everyone’s out to hurt you) or someone will get mad or I lose something. This went on for days, and soon I lost count of the weeks. I didn’t get sick of that so easily though, because God always remembered to let something good happen to me each day. He would give me these simple things to lift my mood… every single day. He would cheer me up.

Although after all this, I still started disliking all of this balance in my life. There was even this one time when I would look at any person that passed by and I would secretly accuse him or her of being apathetic. I knew that I should be happy that my life wasn’t taking any big dips and all but ironically, I would rather get bombarded with an irreversible physical illness and get dumped with problem after problem rather than go through another endless day or week of this safe harmonious life. I wished on and on about a day of pure bliss or a day of heartbreaking sadness, because I desperately needed to know that somehow, someway, my life wasn’t going to stay this way forever-that I wouldn’t have to endure this boredom with my life until eternity.

But after hearing that line, I learned something. I should be wishing on and on that I could thank God more. I should be praising him right now, showing my gratitude because everyday-each and every one-he would make me happy. God would always shine his light and glory every time I was down. I used to be so hopelessly confused when I should know exactly what’s happening since I didn’t have to feel any fervor or breakdowns but my mind has cleared even just a little. And besides, all those downfalls kept my feet on the ground and all those good things kept me going… what more can I ask for?

Labels: bliss, harmony, project

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 5:00 AM