..A World of Nonsense..

Welcome.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work
It was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 5:39 AM

I'm so sad. My favorite post suddenly got deleted. :( Restless, restless me, right?

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 2:46 AM

Friends. They're hard too keep up with, and harder to wait for. They can make you cry and they can make you wish that the world would just stop moving and that moment would just be until forever. I hurt someone today, and I really regret doing so. For her and everyone else:

Forgiving the devil.

I know it's hard, I too am tired already

Of following others; of going through their path

You change and change because they want us made so perfectly.

We don't like it, not at all

And yet we, too, force others to do so.

It is us, too, that bring those so high to their inevitable fall

I am really feeling regret

For the times I have forced that on you

I cannot change this-nothing else will be the same...

I'll be carrying this in my heart-the time I hurt a friend

Keep it like that until I meet my death

Labels: poem, sorry

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 2:06 AM

Hello, my friend. We meet again.

A few days ago, we went to a party and someone was singing this on the Karaoke. I can't believe how much lyrics can suddenly open an old scar-some sort of well hidden secret... something you wished didn't show on your face.

I thought of the friends I've had when I was 5 or 6. They were the kind of people that followed and led whenever they felt like it, I was the kind of person that just wanted to have fun... and we were just the kind of people that were content with being friends.

But that was then and this is now. Now there's this barrier and limit inside everyone's hearts. It's the fault not of growing up but because of the people that invented 'cool' and 'uncool'. Because of the imaginary pressure of being labeled and brought over to the negative side, people unconsciously push themselves and others to going with the flow, with no intention of being viscous. We just let ourselves get lost in the sea of thoughts and stress and problems of following the movement of the crowds... when not doing so will free us from all our prejudice... from all the pain and hurt we purposely and/or accidentally inflict on one another. In other words, why make our life so hard and depressing when it can be joyous and carefree??

I'm sick and tired of all the hating. I don't want to hate but as if I can make everyone else think that way too, right? Why am I even dreaming of a day, any day, that won't leave me tossing and turning at night because of the regret? How come I can't just be given this one friend that would be happy just to be with me... so we can go back to where we started from-she just following and leading whenever she wants to, me just wanting to have fun... us contented with being with each other-the very best of friends.

Labels: again, friends, scar

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 3:57 AM

My dad got home today. No time to talk, I'm too happy!!

:P

:-h

Labels: happy

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 3:45 AM

I have a friend that knows exactly what to say to me whenever a chance comes up. I have a friend that knows me---one that I will not hesitate to relate my problems to. She's a kind, talented person that's always happy and joyous. I've known her to be good at singing and at playing instruments but one thing I like about her the most is her drawings...

One day, the two of us were alone together (ehhhh?!). We were literally doing nothing. To explain further, I was doing nothing. I was just staring everywhere-all around me. But (let's call her Kazuki) Kazuki was busy doing something-she was drawing.

All those little, humble masterpieces spoke out to me in whispers and invited me give them company. They were calling out to me to make more caricatures and draw them on paper-to make a mark that will not be forgotten. That day was imprinted on my heart, That day where me and my friend Kazuki were drawing side by side, unspoken little emotions of friendship and happiness passed on to each other in invisible smiles and laughs, as we put on paper what life felt like that day...

Labels: drawing, friends, life

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 6:32 AM

Me and my best friend were sitting on the table inside our cafe huts. I was teasing her about her crush and she was laughing. Then I said, 'Hey, you're so lucky. You have someone to give all your love to! I'm BURSTING with love!!'

She laughed so much and replied, 'Love the ceiling, then.'

I laughed too and I looked at the ceiling. I shouted upwards, 'Hey, ceiling, I love you! Will you be my boyfriend?!'

At that we started laughing. I told her after we calmed down a bit, 'Uhmm... does that mean if I eat under THAT ceiling, this one will get jealous? /:)' WOW, me and my best friend. =))

Labels: bestfriend, me

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 4:07 AM

I woke up this morning with a pang of guilt that surprised me. I don't know what, but I've done something wrong. So whoever I may have hurt for the last 12 years of my life...

Sorry.

Labels: gommenasai, sorry

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 5:37 AM

Have you ever noticed how much trying to find out what the other person is thinking can help? It's a miracle, and fights start less. You get to know how to forgive those that have excuses (reasonable ones, if I may add) and to avoid those who really just have a stupid attitude problem. Its convenient knowing these kinds of things, since it gives you a lot to think about something to occupy your time when you're bored. But the problem with these kinds of things is that there are just some people that are too darn annoying. It's like everything they do is supposed to be related to some mean background or wrong parents, that kind of senseless talk, but I've seen people with genuine reasons to do something wrong, and they didn't have to cover it all up with made-up tales and fantasy alibis. There are these things that don't strike me as really annoying, until they are repeated over and over. By then i couldn't take it anymore: I'd be so annoyed and nothing could stop me, really, unless I wish myself to.

How come some people just can't get out there, knowing what they actually did wrong, and say 'It's all my fault since I did this _________. Sorry.'? It's a nice question, since I don't know the answer either.

Labels: annoyed, sorry

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 6:05 AM

This is going to be short.

Short and simple is nice.

I need someone. Anyone. For something. Yeahh, for that.

That's it.

Labels: Short

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 2:05 AM

"Don't you get it yet, Sakura? I love you, dammit! I really just... do."
Sakura was feeling dizzy. One moment, Derek was there, looking so pitiful and serious, next he wasn't. Then he was there again, distorted in all places. Suddenly she couldn't see and when she could see again, she was on the floor, with Derek hugging her, crying.
"Sakura," he said, "If you died, I'll follow you..." He let her down and took the swiss knife.
Sakura got the swiss knife from him. And threw it, weakly, to where Fero was standing. In her sweet voice, she said, "Fero, keep it for me, and don't let anyone hurt themselves..."
Fero was looking at her so intently, and he wasn't making any move. "Sakura..." Derek said. "Sakura, I will follow... I promise..."
"Hey, you. Call the clinic and stop crying." Sakura said that with all the strength she had left and she closed her eyes and lay there, just like a princess. Her bleeding body was lying face up, and you can see the beauty of her face. Her blonde, curly hair was spread about her head and her white, angelic face. She looked like she came from a fairytale, except that she was real... As Hans's footsteps faded away (Hans had also protested, saying "I don't want to leave her... but as the others didn't reply, he had to do it anyway), the silence was almost absolute.
Derek was coming closer to her, unable to restrain himself any longer. Fero gave a cry of "What are you doing?" that peirced the atmosphere, but Derek didn't hear. He was there, almost kissing her, so close... Fero surrendered his curiosity, but not his love. Venus looked at him, and she felt his despair. He was just looking there, wishing that he was Derek, wishing that HE had said I love you. Hoping that those three words came from his mouth, wishing he was there, about to kiss his one true love.
Derek was so close... and then they kissed. Sakura made no move, of course, and she didn't feel anything. But Derek did, and he felt his agony of keeping it all inside fading away, being replaced by that one kiss. And Fero was feeling something too, his sadness, seeping in. He fell, kneeling on the floor. Derek sat down again, and said to Fero "Hey, Fero. Go give her your kiss. You love her too, I know it. She'll never know. And I'm sure she wont be offended anyway. because you only did it for love... like I did..."
And there it was. The 5 friends.

Labels: kisses, love

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 6:12 AM

Derek stopped so suddenly and so abruptly that it was amazing how he kept balanced. When he looked back down at them his eyes were filled with tears. "Sakura... she..." he said, "she has leukemia... and I'm afraid that she's gonna kill herself." Derek paused, and he ran off to get Sakura. The others weren't moving. They couldn't. Sakura has been the life of their group, she couldn't go... It was only until they saw Fero running that they decided to follow.

Derek arrived at their room and saw that it was locked. Apparently, Sakura had picked it and then locked it from the inside. She was throwing things everywhere-she was looking for something. Derek was banging the door, asking her to let him in. She looked up... but she only looked back down.
Sakura found what she was looking for. It was a bright red swiss knife, in a box... When Derek saw her pull it out he shouted, "No!" and he started banging the door harder. Fero came then, with the key, and as he was fiddling with it, Derek saw Sakura pick the knife. Derek shouted again, and Sakura, startled, cut the palm of her hand accidentally. Fero was able to open the door now, just when the others were coming.
Derek rushed inside, and tried to grab the knife from Sakura. She struggled, and they were going around, trying to get a hold of the knife.
That's when it happened.
Venus tried to get the knife too, and it was thrust into Sakura's side, maybe about where the appendix should have been. Hans and Fero shouted at Venus, they were mad at her for hurting Sakura. Venus just shot mean glances at them. She doubled over, knife in hand. Derek had let go of her, but now he was holding her face in his hands, trying to make sure that she was okay. Everyone was compressing around Sakura when Venus suddenly shouted: "Hey! Don't get near her!" After that, Venus came to Sakura's aide.
As I said, Sakura was strong, and she can disregard pain to go in defense for her friends. She stood up and asked Venus, "Hey, how can you say that? That's Hypocrisy, you know?!"
Derek stood up, too. "Idiot! You're hurt and you're standing up! Think first! Are you really that stupid?!" He didn't want to say that, it happened out of habit.
Sakura looked at him, her eyes were pleading and sad. She talked to him, in a clear but weak voice... "I thought you would always be there for me, backing me up... I didn't care if you teased me or anything because all I know is that that's your way of showing how much you care for your friends... but how can you do this to me?"

Labels: kisses, love

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 6:11 AM

At lunchtime, when everyone was gone and they were going to their favorite spot, Sakura was silent once again. "Sakura!" Derek shouted in front of her, in another attempt to make her happy. "Can you please stop being sad anymore! It's so annoying!"

"Baka," Sakura said in her language, and acting out a slap at Derek.

All this time, Derek had been using all his effort to make Sakura happy, but being called an idiot was too much for him. "Oii! You stupid person! Can't you see how much I've been trying to make you happy?!" Derek was shouting at the top of his lungs, but he wasn't done yet. Luckily, they were in a secluded place, so no one could hear him. "You've been so shallow for the whole day! You're so sad and serious, you're CRYING over everything! And then you call me an idiot? Gosh, Sakura, if you never wanted me to make you happy, you should have told me before I tried to do so! What is you problem?!"

Sakura was crying, but she was a strong girl, and she shouted back. "Fine! I've always liked it when you make me happy, ALWAYS! Dammit, Derek, if you just wanted to know, you could've asked!" She got something from her pocket and threw it on the floor near Derek's feet. "There! That's the reason I've been so serious the whole day! If it's all my fault that that happened to me, then I really AM stupid! A few minutes ago I was thinking, 'I'd be happy as long as I die with my friends... and as long as their happy... but I think that's going to happen sooner than I thought!"

This was the first time Derek had ever seen her cry. As she bolted up the stairs, Derek's eyes followed. The paper lay forgotten on the floor for a while, until Fero said "Hey, maybe you should read the paper." Derek's eyes flashed through the paper while the others asked things like 'what does she mean, happen sooner?' and 'why didn't we run after her again?'. But then Derek suddenly understood. His face was suddenly determined, and he ran up the stairs. "Wait! His friends shouted after him. "What did it say?"

Labels: kisses, love

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 6:09 AM

Five friends. Yeahp. There were 5 of them. But there were these secret feelings one had for another, and he felt the only way to hide it was by being mean to her. There was love afoot, but no one noticed much... maybe no one just wanted to admit it...

Main Girl-Sakura

Guy in Love with Sakura-Derek

Other Guy That Will Be Surprising-Fero

Girl So Super In Love With Fero-Venus

Mediator Guy Who Also Seems To Like Sakura But I'm Really Not Sure If He Is-Hans

Sakura was the kind of girl that wouldn't care if she was hurt. She wrote in her diary once-I don't even care if I die. When I die, the only thing I'd be wishing for was that my friends would be happy, because they're the only ones that ever really cared. Sakura had her hardships, yes, but she didn't want to share them, since she knew that others suffered more. Early in life she realized that seeing herself always would just make her even more sad, so she focused on making others happy.

But Derek was in love with her... and he didn't want her to know. No one else knew, either. He says (and I quote), "We've been friends since we were little, I can't say something like that! She doesn't love me... so why should I risk our friendship that way??" Derek was so mean to Sakura, but Sakura didn't seem to mind. It was only until one day that suddenly she was unable to control herself...

August 15, 2009

One day, Sakura was looking out at the window with a sort of haze in her eyes. The others were so troubled that Derek wanted to cheer her up, the Derek way.

"Oii, Sakura," he said. He received a glance from Sakura, who was usually the cheerful one, and he was devastated by how sad her eyes were, and yet her lips still smiled, that very sweet smile of hers, the one he had always loved. Derek was weakened, but he didn't want to show it. "You're going to look uglier if you stay so sad like that!"

A flash of pain and sadness swept through Sakura's face, and Derek was left off guard. Sakura punched him in the stomach and asked "Uglier?? You mean I'm ugly? Waaaaaaah. You're uglier though." A smirk was pasted on her face. The others cheered, but Derek and Fero didn't-they can still see that sadness, hidden but unmistakable, in those dark blue eyes of hers.

That day Sakura had more of those instances where she was so quiet and serious. She always regains her cheerful disposition, but Derek and Fero can still see that sadness in her eyes.

It was recess time when Venus was teasing her and Sakura made a clever comeback. Venus got mad at her. Sakura, sadly, was teary-eyed when Venus wouldn't talk to her. It was only until Venus saw how sad Sakura was that Sakura was forgiven. That happened between subjects too, when they were transferring classrooms, but this time between Sakura and Hans.

Here comes the climax, though...

Labels: kisses, love

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 3:45 AM

Heyy. You guys were looking for this. So, here it is. :P

Ten Conyomandments

by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu

(taken from The La Sallian-Menagerie)

Conyo here, conyo there, conyo everywhere! Here at La Salle, conyospeak has become an unofficial language as a good chunk of the student body knows, or maybe even mastered the socialite tongue. However, one must never forget the basics of the conyo and we thusly bring you:

The Ten Conyomandments.

1. Thou shall make gamit "make+pandiwa".

ex. "Let's make pasok na to our class!"

"Wait lang! I'm making kain pa!"

"Come on na, we can't make hintay anymore! It's in Andrew pa, you know?"

2. Thou shall make kalat "noh", "diba" and "eh" in your pangungusap.

ex. "I don't like to make lakad in the baha nga, no?

Eh diba it's like, so eew, diba?"

"What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?"

"Eh as if you want naman also, diba?"

3. When making describe a whatever, always say "It's SO pang-uri!"

ex. "It's so malaki, you know, and so mainit!"

"I know right? So sarap nga, eh!"

"You're making me inggit naman.. I'll make bili nga my own burger."

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation "dude", 'tsong" or "pare"

ex. "Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare."

"I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh"

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!

ex. "My bag is so bigat today, you know"

"I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book eh!"

6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish.

ex. "I have so many tigyawats, oh!"

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?

ex. "Like, it's so init naman!"

"Yah! The aircon, it's, like sira!"

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your sentence, you know, your pangungusap?

ex. "Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?"

"It's so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?"

9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?"

ex. "Like, OMG! It's like traffic sa LRT"

"I know right? It's so kaka!"

"Kaka?"

"Kakaasar!"

10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full effect!

ex. "I'm, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!"

"Me naman, I'm from Lazzahl!"

Yeahh. Nice, ehh?? :P

Labels: conyo, weird

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 3:12 AM

Labels: emotions, guilt, love, personality, restless

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 6:13 AM

tied with strings, suspended in midair.

smiling for the audience.

why should I smile, when i'm only forced to do so?

smiling on the outside.

and yet i have inside a shattered broken heart.

keep me in your reach, catch me when i collapse.

be there when i wake up in the hospital.

keep me alive.

this puppet will bleed, for i just want you to let go...

but these strings are wounding me, i can't take anymore.

once i die i won't be smiling anymore.

at least i know there's a possibility i can be free.

with these wrists that bleed from the ropes that held me fast;

that bind me---i will show that i can be free.

i will cut these ropes someday.

i will make you let go.

by then my heart would have left me, a bleeding, useless heap.

by then you'll have to save me, to bring back the hurt so I can retrieve my heart.

so i can love again.

love the feeling of being free, and not hope for more.

i will be dreaming, imagining that day.

i will be perfecting my plan, fixing every flaw.

it will be perfect for me, only for me, since nothing can be perfect.

nothing can be perfect, since perfection is in the seer.

i will be broken till then.

i will be bleeding till then.

i continue to live, like a soulless body.

i will keep it all in though, to show that i can take it.

i hope to love, care, smile...

i want to be loved, be cared for, be a person worthy for smiles...

until then, i'll be tied with strings, suspended in midair...

simply, just simply...

(t$hough in a fake way)...

smiling for the...

audience.

Labels: bleeding, controlled, puppets

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 7:33 AM

Baka. You know who you are. Baka.

It's stupid. I can't believe someone can call someone else a LOSER for liking manga. If we find out you like other embarassing stuff, we wouldn't call you like that, would we? Does it really make you happy the way you degrade other people's self esteem? It's stupid.

Anime. It's short for the Japanese' way of pronouncing animation. It's their own way of doing things, if you're so jealous you have to call people as losers, make your own way of doing things! So what if we like Anime?

Daijobu?? I don't think you are. I'm not sure what your problem is, but if this is some sort of a grudge on people, why'd you have to take it on anime-lovers? Maybe you just like doing that kind of thing-hurting people. Maybe you damaged your BRAIN, for manga's sake. If you've got a problem, why not tell us, get this over with and stop while you still can. That way, we won't be asking you a phrase you might not even understand---a phrase in Japanese ('Daijobu?').

Do'shite? How are you going to fix yourself nce this gets too far? We might not even care for sorries by that time, we might not want it! So... Do' shite??

Sayoonara. That's it for now. I'll come back for more... if you want it. Sayoonara.

Labels: anime, baka, daijobu, do'shite, manga, sayoonara, stupid

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 5:41 AM

1. Do you know the way that you get hurt for things so stupid you don't even understand it anymore?

2. You've felt the way you start to call yourself stupid because of being so shallow, right?

3. Haven't you noticed the way you feel so bad when something bad is said to you even though you know it's true?

4. Didn't you go through the process of hating others because of getting hurt, having someone hurt you, hating yourself because you know they're right and hating yourself even more when you realize that you've hated others for doing things like you're doing now?

5. Isn't it stupid when even if things It feels so wrong when you find yourself being the hypocrite, doesn't it?

6. Have you ever thought of yourself as superior because you've thrown everyone else down and then get so heartbroken when you've lost your friends?

7. Where did you last listen to yourself and get amazed that you actually thought of what you were going to say next before you did?

8. What was the last text you sent... was it in any way mean?

9. When was the last time you had a decent conversation without backstabbing anyone?

10. Is that mirror of yours still intact?

11. How do you feel when you know that someone hates you?

12. How do you get through things when no one's helping you?

13. Did you ever want to give up so badly you actually got an inch beside the fine line between thinking it and doing so?

14. Say. do you love making people hurt?

15. Do you have this don't-want-to-hear-you-song which is the annoying sad song that suddenly plays the moment you really don't want it to?

16. Are you missing someone right now?

17. True or False-You. Are you ugly?

18. Have you ever cared much?

19. You DO want to be someone someday, do you?

20. Did you like this survey?

Labels: cruel, mean, survey

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 3:43 AM

Number one. You're a backstabber too, and you know it.
Number two. Commandment number eight. Remember it. Live it.
Number three. Whatever you do, whereever you go, someone's still gonna backstab you, so what do you care?
Number four. Backstabs were meant for the back, not for the heart... don't let it get to you.
Number five. They've got nothing better to do... in other words, don't get bored.
Number six. I can't say that backstabbers are &*$#ing stupid, 'coz that would mean I'm &*%$ing stupid too... so nevermind.
Number seven. I'll do it this way-if they say you're stupid, they're stupidder (whatta word). If they say you're ugly, they're uglier [this can be applied to any adjective that can be suffixed with -er... if not, use 'more'].
Number eight. Oii, backstabbers (in other words, every single person in the world), shut up if you got nothing good to say!
Number nine. Backstabbers get their happines from either being able to get their anger out... or seeing you cry.
Number ten. Read my blog description.

Ten things I REALLY must say.

Labels: backstabbing, backstabs, cruel, mean

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 4:34 AM

a roller coaster ride, that's what my today is. I'm getting so confused already, someone help me. i have this friend that kept on insisting that I hated her, and it really was giving me a hard time to convince her that I wasn't mad. that got settled, but then she started going that way again. anyway, i was with my friends until one of them suddenly started to leave. out of them all, one of them was probably the one I considered closest to me. sadly, she was the one making a move to leave. i asked her, "why are you going??" she replied, "I feel so much like an outcast... Bye." I just let her go and i rejoined the others. later on she came back and I, feeling so glum and all, I wasn't talking much anymore. The others went to buy some food and me, Y(my friend) and X were left. They told me to come with them somewhere and I was talking to Z while they were together. Someone called for me to go home and so I went to get my bag. X was tryng to stop me from leaving, saying, "Hey, don't leave, what about Y??". I replied, "Oh it's kay, she's so much happier with you anyway."

I walked away.

I got my bag back, but when I was coming back Y was there. Everyone was suddenly around me, moving around like a blur. Then they were kneeling and everything, and suddenly they looked like someone I knew years back, and hugging X, I thought I would start to cry. So teary-eyed, I felt as if I was breaking already. I just wanted to let go. Then suddenly the blurring subsided and things were going back to normal.

Then Y left again, I tried to run after her, but I couldn't. Then this person said so many things to me and threw my stuff to the floor, I mean, WOW, I was so confused about which person I should run after but in the end I just left.

Although after that I hung out with my friends in the parking lot, having fun, being happy. After sometime another friend of mine came by and we were having fun too. Only now did I feel the high part of this roller coaster ride...

That long sickening roller coaster ride.

Labels: bittersweet, coaster, ride, roller

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 4:49 AM

Now i didn't want to break the chain, but I'm in no mood to write about Chi for now.

Life is turning so stupid these days.
Everyday something good happens.
Then something bad happens too.
I'm getting sick of the echoes these things create in my head!
I would be so fine if all those gifts are good enough to overshadow the wounds that comes right after!
monday to sunday is always the same.
It's like life was just a storybook and this is the time where the author doesn't elaborate.
Everything just stays the same until I get to the part that the writer makes life interesting again.
Until then I can only wait.
The problem is that I might get tired long before that.
You see, I don't care much about the good things happening to me.
I'm bothered by everything bad, though.
So I promised not to cry.
Ha, how THAT's working out (it's not).
I also promised not to hurt.
Hmph (regret is such a painful feeling).
I promised to make those around me happy.
I don't care even if I get broken inside.
And now I promised to take care of myself.
And I don't like it one bit.
'Coz everything's so contradictory.
I'm turning insane, like I wouldn't be able to keep on going.
This happy-sad redundancy is getting annoying.

I can't take it anymore.

Labels: broken, echos, sad

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 10:04 PM

So, this is my first entry. I'll keep this short-you'll have to wait for the next few entries to finish her story. Keep in touch.

Chi. That was her name.

She was chimeral, unreal. And chi, that's what she would lose. Chi-blood. Lots of it.

Chi was beautiful, or so they say. Chi was kind, or so they say. Chi was smart, or so they say. Chi had a beautiful voice, or so they say. Chi was perfect, or so they say. Sorry for the redundancy but I shall continue. Chi said she was ugly. Chi said she was mean. Chi said she was stupid. Chi said she had the worst voice in the world. Chi said she was flawed. Chi said she was useless, she was nothing and no one really cared.

And yet she was okay. Everyday she wakes up to this world and she smiles. Everyday that contagious laugh was heard from her. It was that laugh that secretly lightened the spirits of those all around her, making them all happy when she's around. Everyday those eyes sparkle with such life that no one would suspect such a sad soul was idden underneath. Everything about her spoke of smiles and joy that it is very surprising that she wasn't at all that happy. The way she spoke and the way she moved---they only showed how much this actress was good at her ways.

In other words, Chi (blood), a joyous soul... concealed Hoshi (star), a sad lonely person... the true her. Ironic as her names may seem, Hoshi "Chi" Ai was a girl like everyone else might, and could be.

Labels: Ai, Chi, Hoshi

PG e i g h t e e n stepped on your garbage at 5:42 AM